3 things

April 17th, 2007 by dontlooknow

Unrelated things on my mind:

1. John is in Blacksburg reporting on the shootings. It’s weird and sad. You can see the chronicle coverage at www.chronicle.com. In other news a couple weeks ago he wrote a really good story on african american graduate student debt in the field of education: http://chronicle.com/free/v53/i31/31a01001.htm

2. My parents are moving to mill valley in marin. I think we should compile a book of memories about the san francisco 3456 Jackson street house, which my dad’s parents bought in the mid century, so if you’d like to contribute please send email vignettes to rosedakin@hotmail.com. Maybe I’ll make a blog for the stories. 

3. The LL work week in california is scheduled for mid June. If you’d like to contribute your sweat please email us at rose.johnny@gmail.com.
(3.5. There may be a task force forming on an LL artists and writers retreat program. If you have connections to foundations or other potential donors or partner organizations we’d love to hear from you. We’re exploring art/ music/ nature/ philosophy/ education/ indigenous heritage synergies.)

Foes

April 15th, 2007 by dontlooknow

Last week I had a lull in work, and decided to go to some talks on India. I heard Scott Bayman, the CEO of General Electric India, speak at SAIS, and then the next day I went to the Wilson Center to a mini-conference to hear the president of Tata Inc., and Undersecretary of the Commerce, and a professor at U Penn speak about Globalization, capital G. (In between I also went to a talk by Khal Schneider about California tribes and private land tenure around Ukiah in the mid-nineteenth century, which was almost more interesting than anything else.)

But this is the thing. At the very end of the Wilson Center conference I stood waiting to talk to the speaker, Professor Devesh Kapur. I wanted to tell him about Business-Community Synergies’ findings on land tenure in Orissa, India, and the interplay with multi-national mining companies. In bouts of wishful thinking, the state government of Orissa had given permits to mine in areas where land titles are scarce. The land is inhabited and used by tribal Adivasis; there is no square inch of land unaccounted for in the informal realm–the recorded deeds just don’t exist. (Taking a lesson from the California Indians of 1870, they need to hire a lawyer. Or two.) There have been some resulting problems, and there’s an interesting clash of modern legality and ancient rights.

So I was standing there, waiting, when I saw a woman and her friend approach up the aisle. She had asked a question about land tenure as well, and I recognized her from previous South Asia-related events. As she passed, I made eye contact, but she didn’t respond, so I said, excuse me, I think I’ve met you before. I had an ulterior motive: I suspected her to be a professor at Howard who researches refugees and displacement, and I sometimes think about getting a PhD in environment/people things, and Howard is a neat place. But she only said, brusquely, I don’t think so. I said, Oh, umm, do you by any chance know Moazzam Sidiqqi? She said, Who? And I realized it couldn’t be her, because the woman I was thinking of was a close friend of Moazzam’s, and only came to his Urdu poetry classes because she had a big crush on him. So I said, Never mind, I’m sorry, it must have been someone else. Who, she said, is Moazzam? He was the Voice of America Urdu director, but now he teaches Urdu and Persian poetry every now and then, I mumbled, knowing I was on the wrong track. Well, she said, I don’t know him, but I sometimes go to SAIS, like last week I gave a talk there. I said, Oh, I graduated from SAIS, so I must have seen you at some event there. And what do you do now? She asked. I work on international development and the extractive industries, I said eagerly, trying to get my footing back, trying to get to the part where we talk about land tenure and her research. Poor you, she said, and swept passed me.

She couldn’t sweep very far, because there were people right in front of us, so she stood there with her back to me. Her friend had given a little giggle at the comment, but then realized it was meant in meanness not humor, and though she stood with her back to me as well, she gave a furtive embarrassed glance back. I’m confused by rudeness; I don’t know what to do. My first instinct was to laugh, nod, and say something self deprecating, but her back was already in my face. Then I wanted to tap her on the shoulder and say, Who are you? That’s all I wanted to know.

There are two things in this story that puzzle me. First,how did she make the SAIS connection? Either she knew that I had been a student there, or that Moazzam had been a teacher there. The other thing is this: it was either the mention of mining, oil and gas industries that generated the hatefulness, or the mention of international development. Both of them could have. And I can understand why, but I think it’s bull. (The first for reasons I’ll explain below, the second because jargon is sometimes useful.) Even if she didn’t wear earrings, drive a car, and heat her home with the earth’s extracted resources, it would still be in her interest as much as anyone’s to make sure that those industries act responsibly toward their bottom line–the earth–and their partners–the communities where they operate. Saying “poor you” to someone working on those things is more than snobbery, it’s … I don’t know. Dumb.

We all (you, that means, too) try to live lightly, if not only because most of us are on some kind of budget. My budget is CO2 as much as it is money–I drive a low emission vehicle, keep my home colder or hotter than is comfortable depending on the weather, and wear two 65-year old rings on my finger. I bought a house so that I could have a compost pile and a vegetable garden. I made a new year’s resolution to buy nothing new for myself except food, and the average age of our furniture is 40 years old. I buy my meat and dairy products from an Amish farmer in Pennsylvania. I switched the majority of my grandmother’s investments to socially responsible funds. But: I fly to California several times a year. I can’t wait to go back to India. I make stained glass with mined virgin lead and silica. I buy pomelos from Vietnam. I take hot showers, and I don’t have a solar thermal system installed (yet, and anyway it wouldn’t work in this weather). We do what we can, and meanwhile the multinational mining companies continue digging, drilling, pumping and transporting the materials of our civilizations. We can’t turn a blind eye–don’t. We can’t ask for a moratorium on the train wreck of globalization, if that’s what you think it is, and sometimes it looks it–don’t. Do demand that they do their jobs as responsibly as possible, taking unforeseen and unintended consequences into consideration and looking at the business case as a holistic dynamic system. If our companies start to incorporate that ethic then maybe China’s will too, some day. India’s big ones already do, probably because they’ve had to worry about their social license to operate for a lot longer than ours have. There aren’t many powerful stakeholders in Nevada or Nigeria; whereas India’s civil society can pull a lot of strings.

I still don’t know who that lady was, but I’m sure I’ll see her again, and now she is my arch enemy–my foe. Ahh, the old foe. John has a foe already, but that’s another story, and I don’t even know it, so I can’t tell it. My last foe was in the SF ballet school when I was 12, her name was Karen. We were both in the first professional level, and she won the foe battle because I quit ballet. I announced that I was quitting right before the curtains rose on a flower dance–I was a petal, she was the petal across from me, we were about to uncurl from our bud–and she responded “good.” Lovely foes. I’m just kidding though; this time I won’t quit, and I won’t even think of her as my foe. I’ll maybe find out what her head trip is, but I definitely won’t be looking into her graduate program, even if she is at Howard.

Anyways, you all come visit.

quintana place

February 21st, 2007 by dontlooknow

I’ve been meaning to post photos of the house, project chaos, so here are some… they aren’t in any kind of order, and for some reason the kitchen is the most photogenic, so there are a few of it in its stages. The cleanest-looking one, with the chambers stove in place, was taken just a couple minutes ago. Brian Calvert is featured wallpaper-steaming, and you can see my valentine roses, all dusty, in another with John drinking coffee. Jackson is in there somewhere. Working on the house has satisfied my craving for camping and wilderness, for now. Until spring, and, hopefully, less indoor entropy. I’m working on sprouting some Kashmiri apricot seeds that I got from Kargil for the garden. I don’t know how they’ll take to the globally warmed washington winters, but maybe they’ll do ok.
I didn’t take any photos of the basement, but I should have because it’s funny. Faux brick wall paper over real brick, faux foam wood over real wood, faux stone over… I think concrete. Everything painted deep wine red or faux wood grain. The woman who lived here since 1953 was the grand most worthy matron for the Masonic order of the eastern star… maybe they had secret faux meetings in the basement.
Sorry I’ve been holed up and not communicating very well, now you know why. It’s hard to emerge for the day looking civilized, much less acting it:

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the end just kidding

April 29th, 2006 by dontlooknow

I’m sitting with David at a trendy wireless cafe called Passion in Vasant Vihar Market. He’s working on video editing for his non-profit (http://www.realeyesarts.com) and I wanted to tell you one more thing about yesterday, now that yesterday happened. How should I tell it? like a detective novel: Geeti entered the room wearing a flowing magenta Iranian dance costume and a light smile. The teachers and remaining students sat on the couches… nah.
In the Rose style: She danced two really pretty dances with twirls, one sad and one happy, and then I sang my two songs about love and abandonment and leaving, and made Aftab cry. Then we tried to get Wafadar to dance to the Khajuraro song with Aishwarya Rai that he does so hilariously, but he wouldn’t unless we all did, so we all did, until the dumb librarian insisted on recording it with her phone, which is not so cool for an essentially very religious dude like Wafadar. In the process she knocked my camera off the table and broke it, but I didn’t realize till I was packing at 2 am so I wasn’t sad about that yet. Then we three last students (Sadaf was out with her parents arranging her future) walked out to the front gate, just like happens in my detective story, and saw Prem a little ways off waiting for me. Geeti said, That’s Prem the hero of the story! and the teachers were like oh that’s him, the hero! and then Geeti went over to Prem and said, Rose wrote a story about you and so that’s why they’re talking about you, about how good and honest you are. He turned his back to her and started to cry, but I didn’t quite realize what was happening, just that now Geeti was crying, so I hugged her and sat on the rickshaw and we rode away, me covering my face with the dupatta and him wiping his eyes and pedalling fast. Then, like I said before, I went to get my wedding dress. I was already emotional so to deal with complete and utter unprofessionalism from one of the most respected cloth and tailor stores in Lucknow made me almost insane. I know it might be hard to imagine, but I am my mother’s daughter. By 8pm, three hours later, I was heading back home. I popped into the Sidiqqis to say bye, went to dinner, came home and spent the entire night packing. Sadaf stayed up with me. At about 2am a storm came in and dumped an inch of water on the city, and took out the electricity. At 3:30 I realized I had better find a candle instead of miss my train by watching the lightning and wind. The rain felt so cool! I felt my luck turning around. I heard the doorbell at 3:50; that was Prem waiting for me. I stuffed the last things on the floor into my huge duffel bag, realized I couldn’t bring the oatmeal and coffee to Ladakh, and left the house. At that point only one person, Sadaf’s dad, was still asleep. The whole city was so quiet and empty and wet. At the station I gave Prem all the money I had saved by taking non-ac instead of the Shatabdi to make sure the evil eye really would go away (600 rp). I know Prem will be ok. If people like Prem were allowed to rise in business and government, instead of the goondas and sons of politicians, India would be unstoppable. It took two coolies to carry my bags but I made it, finally, to Nirinder and Mridula’s apartment in RK Puram.
Now Mira and Sunita are coming to Ladakh, so I’ll stay up there the next two weeks instead of going to Pune.

I hope to see everyone soon!
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Prem ji and Rose

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Our group photo

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Engrossed in Ibn e Safi’s “The mysterious screams”

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My bike ride to school

last day in Lucknow

April 28th, 2006 by dontlooknow

Tomorrow is my last day in Lucknow. Brian, Maryam and Nathan have left and Geeti, Rohish, and Sadaf will leave after the weekend. I’m right in the middle, balancing a year.

For the past two months I’ve been reading detective novels. It reminds me of when I was in 5th grade and discovered Sherlock Holmes. The author Ibn e Safi lived in Allahabad and died in the 1980s and is wonderfully funny and equally hilarious, in a very Hindustani style. There are more theatrics and ghazals. And sometimes exoticised Americans who exoticize India. The stories inspired me to write one of my own for my final project, and I’ve been working on it for the past month with a teacher, Sheba Iftekhar, whose family is from Allahabad and whose father was a close friend of Ibn e Safi. I unveiled the plot yesterday and read a couple chapters, and it was a good reminder how keeping secrets can be so rewarding. In my story, a new Lucknowi terrorist group (originally from Aligarh, of course, there could be no home-grown Lucknowi terrorists) takes Brian hostage. Aftab, Wafadar, Nathan and Rohish go around helping the detective, but Rose sends Prem to investigate independently and Prem uncovers all the clues, finally riding up behind the gun-weilding detective wannabes pulling Brian on his rickshaw. Prem is the hero. It came out to 20 pages but I’m still working on it.

Prem is taking me to the train station at 4:45 Saturday morning in another heroic act. I’m meeting my brother David in Delhi and then Brooke in Ladakh, my best friend since seventh grade. We used to eat ice cream in the fog and argue a lot. Now we mostly agree and almost never eat ice cream. She’s been in India for the past six or seven months doing an incredible amount of Vipassana, yoga and service, and she’s going back to America on May 7th. David, Brooke and I will be in the mountains for a week. I never made it to the Lucknow Vipassana dhamma, or the botanical gardens. Or Allahabad, Jharkand, Ayodhya or Bhopal. On the 8th I’m heading down to Pune to spend my last week in India with my aunt Mira and cousin Sunita.

Day before yesterday my calligraphy teacher Mohammed Ali said: no one can say where they will be next; we’re not in control of our destinations. All we can do is sit on the bike and pedal as hard as we can. It’s not a very American philosophy, but it’s what I’m doing. I have no idea what will happen when I get back to the States; what kind of job I’ll take, if I’ll go back to energy and climate change or intelligence analysis or keep writing Urdu detective stories.

Today I said my goodbyes to Bhavna and the Darzi family. Tomorrow I have to say goodbye to the Siddiqis, my singing teacher and everyone at the institute. Geeti is presenting some kathak dances, then I’m going to pick up my wedding dress from Aminabad, have a goodbye dinner with my housemates, pack my bags, and set the alarm. I’m ending my blog with a list! Just like I started it.

rulane wala

April 2nd, 2006 by dontlooknow

This note/poem is from the rickshaw driver Prem who has been taking me all around town for the past 7 months, getting my fruits and vegetables, and protecting my life in various little ways. My translation is not totally clear, the poem has lots of literary Hindi in it; he was well educated. He carried it around with him all day, and then gave it to me as I was coming inside tonight. I don’t really know what comes through in the translation, or how it sounds, but it made me cry a lot. It turns out he’s a poet, and I wanted to share it because of that, because it’s so unexpected and beautiful. He’s a white-haired grave-looking bony man who barely makes eye-contact except when giving advice and smiles almost too shyly while turning away and muttering “Thik! Thik!” And he always calls me Sahab; this is the first place he has addressed me as behen, sister. I always call him bhai-Sahab, just like how I say Adab-Namaste, to be safe and cover all my bases. Though sometimes I do say Prem-bhai, brother. The other day I asked if I could interview him and record it so that when I left India I would have something to remember all my acquaintances by. This follows in that vein, I think. One more thing worth mentioning is that having daughters, paying for the wedding and providing a dowry, is such a huge financial burden here. The social economics of daughters is the cause of girl abortions, infanticides, and suicides. According to a recent study, there are 500,000 fewer girls than boys born *every year* in India. The people aborting tend to be in higher income brackets. Poor people who cannot afford the burden are paying it. The logic of ecology says that at some point girls will become precious; but if that’s true, why not already? Aah, culture, when will you be less confusing.

From this hand’s palm
Which could have had a thousand holes
You gave whatever you wanted
So what did you actually give?

Sister is a traveler, coming and going
Memories are left on the road
My own dear sister
Very lovely and good prayers.

In my life there are two heavily laden aspects
Comfort and sadness.
Comfort has torn its relationship with my life
and sadness has joined my life.

Life has worries, difficulties, and things you have to do
I am settled between these three.
The biggest thing is this
How will I marry my three daughters?
Accha sister ji, now I will end this writing
because tears have started to flow from my eyes.

Sister, the day that you leave, what will happen to us?
(You) will come, will come, to someone
Memories will come.

Your foot servant,
Prem Nath Kashyap

Berkeley Urdu Language Fellowship Program 2006

March 30th, 2006 by dontlooknow

I heard that my blog is featured on the BULFIP website, so I’m going to post some info for the people trying to decide about whether to come to Lucknow. I couldn’t make up my mind whether to come or not, really until I was on the plane… up to that point I kept telling myself I had the option to turn around. That’s how I got myself to skydive, come to think of it.

The only thing I could compare leaving the U.S. for that long was dying! But it was kind of neat to know what it felt like to prepare for death, and then die, but still get news updates and talk on the phone with your life.

The language instruction is fantastic. It is different though, and I think primarily because each class is so small there’s more opportunity for slowing down and getting wrapped up in the details of linguistic whatever. Very interesting, but possibly you wanted to get on to the next goal. Again, because it’s so small, you can be accommodated but you have to express the complaint/wish. Only Urdu is spoken in class, both because the teachers are much more comfortable speaking in Urdu, and because it’s their teaching style. They generally have a very good theoretical grasp of English. With the other Americans, I generally speak English. We often speak Urdu at lunch, or at home if we remember, but it’s just a real mental relief to have other Americans to communicate with. Lucknow is not a very English-speaking place, unlike Delhi is for instance, and maybe because of the program and lack of tourists many Lucknowis actually expect you to understand and speak Urdu/Hindi.

Our stipend is just about equal to what the teachers earn, and support their families on. We eat out and travel instead. For me it was not quite enough; I came out about $100 below each month, but that is entirely because of 1. shopping and 2. taking the Shatabdi Express back and forth to Delhi many more times than necessary. I can safely say that the stipend was not enough for the girls and was enough for most of the guys. I don’t know why, they just didn’t spend as much. Rohish even saved money, in spite of buying a motorcycle and sound system, kamal ka. Outside of UP I traveled to Pune and the Northeast. We went on field trips to Hyderabad, AP, and Aligarh, UP. Sadaf and Geeti went to Pakistan. Rohish went to Rajasthan. Nathan goes to Jaipur every now and then. Maryam went to Aurangabad. I had plans to go to Jharkhand but I’m running out of time.

This year there are seven students in the program, and five of us live together in a flat above a family’s house that we have minimal but sufficient contact with. The other two live in home-stays a little farther out. I decided there was a trade-off between loneliness in the home-stays and a less learning-intensive environment living among other Americans, and I chose the latter. It keeps me sane. That decision is up to you. There are a bunch of other little things I do to keep my sanity (membership at the gym, over-paying favored cycle rickshaw drivers and feeding them chai). The thing that keeps me going the most, though, is learning Urdu. It’s really fun. If you’re not that into it, it would be easy to get depressed. There are other projects that keep you going: Geeti and Sadaf take a dance class, I take a singing class, Nathan takes tabla classes and goes to Musheiras, Brian plays a bunch of tennis, Rohish is working on some articles for the Urdu newspaper, Maryam has her dissertation research to translate. Stuff like that. I met an American lady teaching at Lucknow University for a semester who said that out of 30 years of overseas experience, her experience in Lucknow has been the most difficult. So you need to pamper yourself a little.

Hope that helps!

March 22nd, 2006 by dontlooknow

I got one request for my opinion of the nuclear pact from my loyal sister, so you’ll all have to read through it! Yay.
First, though, the Non-proliferation Treaty (NPT). Signed into force in 1968, it now has 187 ratifying members. It has three goals: non-proliferation, dis-armament, and to shift nuclear use toward peaceful energy goals rather than weapons goals. Five countries are allowed to make and own nuclear weapons: France, Russia, China, the U.S. and the U.K. Same as the permanent members of the UN Security Council. They agree not to transfer nuclear technology, weapons or fuels to non-ratifiers. There are only three countries that have never signed: Pakistan, India and Israel. North Korea has pulled out, and Iran has expressed desire to pull out. It’s obvious that Pak and India have nuclear weapons since they tested them; Israel never has but possession and capability are inferred.
The Indo-U.S. nuclear pact lies outside the NPT. It tacitly accepts that India has and makes weapons, and opens 14 of India’s 22 nuclear facilities to international UN inspections. Obviously the U.N. is in on the deal too. Those 14 facilities are civil energy facilities; the other 8 must be defense. India will receive better technology and better access to fuels. The world will receive assurance that accidents are less likely.
Pakistan immediately requested a similar pact, and was bluntly refused. There are three good reasons: Pakistan doesn’t have the same energy needs as India, it has been an aggressor state, and Pakistan’s politicians have shown an eagerness to evade non-proliferation goals.
There is criticism of the pact both in the U.S. and in India. In the U.S. it is mainly that this weakens the NPT. India is singular and extraordinary for several reasons: as a defensive neighbor to nuclear China, India will never sign the NPT; India has laws against a first nuclear strike; and India has demonstrated nuclear responsibility. It may in fact weaken the NPT, I’m not totally sure it won’t, but the NPT is flawed and this pact accepts reality while not destroying the NPT, which is useful. In India the criticism is mainly along the lines that any agreement with the U.S. is a bad idea because the U.S. is unpopular. There are also the people who just don’t like nuclear anything. That’s a valid point; the waste is not so chill. But it’s a different topic.

Now for anyone who stuck with me till the end: I went home to D.C. for four days suddenly last week. I did seven major things: bought a new camera with my hard-won insurance money, ate a burrito, cuddled with Jackson, looked at an apartment John and I might buy, went camping in Virginia, and got engaged. I’ll show you pictures of four of them.

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Varanasi blasts

March 7th, 2006 by dontlooknow

First, I have to print an error correction: the Lucknow deaths weren’t due to Hindu/Muslim communalism. I picked that up from the internet, but it turns out they were Muslim shop owners and three of the four that died were Muslims. Also the looted gun shop was Muslim-owned. I rode by today to check it out. There were ten lazy policemen sitting in front sipping chai.

The weird thing is how quickly it morphed into a communalist issue in the press and general understanding. I went to Aminabad today (finally got my photos!) and asked the frame shop owners what happened, and they said oh, nothing, just some Hindu-Muslim riots. Maybe he just didn’t want to say anti-American, as if I didn’t know.

The Varanasi blasts that went off tonight are obviously anti-Hindu, and now everyone is really nervous, not just the Americans. Who knows why they were set off, or who did it, or who benefits. Maybe the Hindu fundamentalists benefit, but that’s my heritage (conspiracy theory genes) speaking. The serial blasts in such symbolic places (the river Ganges, the Hanuman temple, the train) but without a huge loss of life… hmmm, very interesting.

I just read a great article: http://www.indianexpress.com/full_story.php?content_id=89087. It was published before the blasts. Political parties based on ethnic or religious identification should be constitutionally banned. That’s my opinion. In 1947 no one anticipated how they would take off, and it sure was interesting. But not good. Other democracies do it and India should too.

The institute is closed again tomorrow due to nervousness. We’ve heard rumours of riots and car burnings in Lucknow, but it reminds me a little of Sept 11 when we kept hearing new reports that the Capitol was struck, fire on the Mall, a plane heading for the White House, a car bomb at the State Dept. I had to walk out to the Mall to settle for myself that it was just a bunch of rumours. I don’t feel comfortable walking out to Lalbagh tonight though sorry.

Well, my presentation tomorrow was supposed to be on the Indo-US nuke deal. If any of you want to know about it, I can give it here, but you have to ask. I have all day tomorrow to mope around the house, forbidden to go outside… at least I bought a watermelon yesterday.

another snow day for riots

March 3rd, 2006 by dontlooknow

This afternoon Geeti got several SMSs from Fazal (also known as Chubby) saying the city was turning violent and we should go home asap. Several more warnings followed, from other people: do not leave the house, not even to go to the gym, which is two blocks away. So I had to cancel my list of errands, which again involved going to Aminabad, but apparently that’s where the two deaths occurred, though maybe that was in Kaiserbagh right next to Aminabad. We had stranded guests. Rohish’s mom, grandma and grandma’s cousin are visiting; their meal in Hazrat Ganj got interrupted by bloody people running by and getting the restaurant closed while they were still eating! Then after making dinner and eating with us, they couldn’t get anyone to take them to their guesthouse. Finally at 10 pm they got a driver, and he’s charging rps 250 for a 40 rupee trip. We also had another visitor Matt who’s been in Korea for two years. He did the Urdu program in 2002 and is staying at the same guest house as the Lal matriarchy, so it worked out that they could get home together.

That’s all I had to write, just a little nerve-wracking news. For the record, I’m in favor of the nuclear deal; it’s been a long time coming. In general, Indians are too. Right now, the protests are an interesting alignment of the secular left and Muslim hard-liners. People upset about Bush vs. Islam (and following so recently on the Europe vs. Islam cartoon masla), and people upset about the standard West capitalism nuclear etc. issues. And interestingly, it can turn into a Hindu-Muslim thing pretty quicky from there… might seem complicated, but if you’re looking for an excuse… e.g. if Hindu shop owners don’t close their shops quickly enough (where closing means supporting the protests)… anyway, instead of writing more I just stole all of Sadaf and Geeti’s photos from the past several months and I’m going to post a few.

Below: The old British Residency, Mohurram at the Bara Imambara, Hyderabad, our instructors Wafadar and Aftab at the airport, and Aligarh

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